I promise to be strong and steadfast like you said. I'll continue to trust God. When your time comes I won't act a fool but I will cry. I'll be sad but I'll cherish the memories you've given me. Until that day that God calls you home, I'll come visit as much as I can! #SheWouldKillMeForThisPicIfSheHadTheStrength #DontCare#MyMans100Grand #SheSaidWearBlack#ImaKeepDoingYourFingerSticks
Violet "Kitty" Williams, I love you woman. I watched you take your last breath at 423 this morning. Even though they officially pronounced you at 514, I know when you went with Jesus for good. I wanted to protest when they came to pick your body up but you told me to be strong and you told us to not act a fool. So even though I cried hard, I just got up and let them do what they had to do. I made sure they picked you up nicely and they rolled you into the van nicely. They buckled you in!! I told them to drive slowly to the funeral home because you hated when we drove you fast. Man I'm gonna miss you more than you could ever imagine. Although I hated how soft you were on the other grands, I THANK you for being so hard on me. I get it now. You trusted me to get things done and you knew I always would. Ima continue to make things happen too! I'm gonna make you proud. Ima study The Word and trust in The Lord. Ima keep learning. Ima remain strong and steadfast. Ima listen to and learn from The Lord. Thanks for my lil hooptie. I used to keep Killa cam clean!! Washed it even though it always looked dull, clean or dirty lol. That prepared me for taking good care of Blessing. Thank you for trusting me in the house because that prepared me for the house Ima purchase (by my birthday, June 13, 2016 (yeah no didn't do that lol)). I'll be ok. I'll give you that cute little chocolate baby boy that you wanted, you know, since you wanted another great grandson. I just need a man first lol. Thanks for all the memories, pinching my butt, being hooked on reality TV, checking my outfits out and always making sure im still cute. Ima be cute at your send off, BELIEVE THAT! Love, "that's my Muff Muff".#LikeHerPicture!!! #SheLovedGettingLikes#WeHadLikeCompetitions#AintNoLiquorInThatRedCup November 12, 1935 - October 20, 2015.
Two different posts just six days apart. I had no clue they would be so close. No matter how much you try to prepare for that "moment", you can't. It's just not a thing. Honestly, when I made the first post, my heart was breaking. When I wrote the second one, it was completely broken! Now, here I am one year, six months, and five days later, with a mended heart. Of course I still miss her like crazy! I miss her cards. I miss watching tv with her. I miss eating with her. I miss just sitting and being with her. I miss our casino trips. I miss shopping with her. I miss being at my wits end, when it comes to situations that I'm struggling with when it comes to my "guy", and talking to her about it. I miss her sending me on errands to pick up something that she forgot at home but was in her purse all along. I miss telling her I need lunch money, not because I really did, but because she was always so willing to give. I miss listening to her talk (gossip) on the phone. I miss showing her my outfits on Sundays cuz she always wanted to see what I wore to church. It might be weird to yall, but I still go in her(our) room, when I go to my parents house, and act like she can see it. (Had to pause right here...your moments are completely unexpected and I had one right there!) I miss watching her get excited about her birthday cards and gifts. She used to be like, "mmm people really love me"! I think that's part of the reason I really like celebrating birthdays so much. I miss fussing with her and boy did we do that a lot!! But I'm just here to tell you that it gets easier. Life will go on. You'll no longer feel angry, confused, depressed, whatever. Those memories that you have will no longer break your heart but will make you thankful that you still have them. God promised us beauty for ashes and His Word will NEVER return to Him void! Joy does come in the morning, because they that sow in tears shall reap in joy! I've grown so much over the last eighteen months. I've grown in ways that I didn't even know I needed to grow in. I wonder if I'm making her proud more than you could ever imagine. But I know that I am. I finished my masters (she was sooooooooo proud of that and told everyone who would listen that I was working on it)! She no longer has to say, "that's my Muff Muff, she's working on her masters", but she can now say,"that's my Muff Muff, she GOT her masters"! (I even put that on my graduation cap!) I got the courage to publish a blog. I still serve faithfully on the ministries at church. I'm learning to trust God more and more every day with my whole entire life. I'm learning that there is nothing in life that I should fear when God is on my side. I have faith that He will give me the desires of my heart. I'm learning to love without boundaries and forgive quickly. I'm learning that it's ok if my story doesn't look like everyone else's. Even if they have pieces that I really want and that they had no desire to have. God is just making sure that I'm extra prepared for it. I say how I feel and am UNapologetically me. The compassion piece, EH, I think I'm better at it, but I know I still have room to grow. Still don't have that baby that you requested yet lol. But I mean he'll come when he's supposed to and please for the love of all that is HOLY, please ask God to forgive you for asking for my baby to be bald!!!! I want him to have haaaiiirrrr!
So I say all that to say, learn from all of your experiences. Learn from the people who are trying to pour into you. Learn from them when they're here and show your appreciation. The "aha moment" will still come after they're gone, but how much better will it be for them to see it in the flesh? Some of the most painful experiences will yield to the most beautiful life lessons. Learn from the good, bad, ugly and indifferent. Cherish the people in your life because tomorrow is not promised. Love and appreciate those who love you. Forget the petty foolishness and forgive quickly. No matter how much time you have with them, it will feel like it wasn't enough when they're no longer in your life.