Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe!
I came across a post that said, "choose people who choose you". That sentence was so simple, yet so profound to me.
I asked my friend why does he think we do that, you know, the total opposite of that (worrying about people who aren't choosing us). His response was, "comfort, fear, could be a few things, time, focusing on what we think the loss would be and not what the gain actually is". 🤔 hmm I thought to myself...ALL OF THAT IS SO TRUE!
You see, far too often we spend time, our precious time, focused on the people who don't choose us. We keep trying to make them choose us because we've invested so much time into them and feel like it should be reciprocated. We whine and complain and cry about how Johnny cheated on us with and left us for Keisha. When all along, he didn't treat you with the love, respect, faithfulness, all that you deserve, in the first place. But because you know him, he's been around for quite some time, he gives a tiny bit of what you require and when he does you love it, you enjoy him, y'all get along, because of that, you're comfortable. It's quite scary to leave that comfortable place when you don't know what's on the other side. But little do you know, the man of your dreams is on the other side of your situationship (yeah I called it that, because that's exactly what it is! Sorry, not sorry!), just waiting to be able to love you how God intended for you to be loved. If you would just release what's in your hands now, God will bless you with something so much better. Then we talk about how Latrina talked about us like a dog and spread lies about us all over social media for days/weeks/months/years. We keep going to our friends and family complaining about what she did and how wrong it was instead of just letting her mess die and showing our appreciation to our friends and family for who they are in our lives. Let's not forget about how the supervisor is out to get us because they chose someone else for the promotion. Dad chose his new family over me and stopped picking me up on the weekends. Forget that mom is there wiping every tear away and holding down the fort. Listen, I KNOW that all of that stuff is hurtful. We all interpret and respond to pain differently, but why do we have to cause ourselves more pain?
You know what happens when we focus on those people who don't choose us? What happens is we unintentionally, or maybe even sometimes it's lowkey intentionally, stop choosing the people who choose us. It's like we all of a sudden forget the people who have been there cheering us on all along. The people who encourage us and support us in our most vulnerable states, suddenly don't matter anymore. What they've poured into us is minimized. Our actions begin to say, "hey, I know you are here and that you care about me but so what, I'm busy trying to make them do what you're already doing". We also forget the most important person in the matter, ourselves! We forget how truly amazing we are and that we are worthy of being loved by the people in our lives. Instead of saying oh well let me just them go, this season is over, we add more hurt into the situation ourselves. We bombard ourselves with "what ifs" and wonder where we went wrong. Now don't get me wrong, self-reflection is healthy and it's needed. When you begin to obsess over those thoughts and scenarios, that's when it becomes unhealthy. When you try to hold onto what God is trying to strip you of, you play yourself every time. Get out of your own (and God's way) and stop blocking your blessings.
Let's begin to focus more on the people who choose us, the people who make a conscious decision to keep our best interest at heart. Let's begin to focus more on the people who choose to love us, because love is a CHOICE you know, we must choose it and then ACT upon that choice. Let's remember the people who didn't choose us and how it made us feel, but let's not dwell on that. Let's remember it so that we never accept that again. Let's remember it so that we know to not do that to the people who we claim to love. Let's remember to always let love win and treat the ones who are important to us with dignity and respect.